In my 20 years of practive I've spent countless hours with couples with serious issues, facing painful separation or divorce. The thought that invariably passes through my mind is that they would probably not be in their current situation if they had undergone some in-depth pre-marital counseling that really explored the underlying issues that affect all relationships. These include not only the obvious--how does each person feel about children, discipline, in-laws, money, goals and values--but the more subtle dynamics that lead to real discord in relationships. Communication and conflict resolution styles learned in each family of origin, underlying cultural or sub-cultural issues, controlling vs passive attitudes, and unconscious needs, feelings and values--ll of these have a profound influence on our relationships. Exploring these issues and developing coping mechanisms for our own and our partners' weak spots can resolve many problems up front, and clarify the relationship for both partners.